IHHP Blog

A Coaching Story from IHHP Coach John Doan, ORSCC, CPCC, PCC  

Coaching client Belinda received some very honest feedback in her E.I. 360. Areas identified for development included more willingness to listen, less tendency to micromanage and less urgency in jumping to solutions. Overall, Belinda was being asked to become more aware of when her impact on her directs was negative, adversely affecting trust and her working relationships. 

She struggled with receiving this feedback and came to E.I. coaching quite defensive – in fact, closer to denial.

“Micromanaging? I don’t get that – I’m just trying to help people who need it. We’re at work to get things done and some people need to try a little harder to meet deadlines, so I make sure it happens.”

I spent the first part of our meeting letting Belinda share her thoughts about her feedback, adding some questions in order to understand but not to challenge. This gave her a chance to share her side of the story, which helped to calm her emotions. I was also modeling one of the key behaviours identified for her to develop – listening. When she stopped, I asked, “So, what was it like, being able to tell me how you feel about this feedback?”

 She replied, “It was great because anyone that I’ve done this with so far has said the feedback was basically true and asked why I couldn’t see it.”

“What did that feel like for you?” I inquired.

“Well, it was like they weren’t interested in my view of things; they just wanted me to get on and change who I am overnight … to fix me … and I don’t think I need to be fixed.”

I said, “I was really listening to you and truly care about what you think of your feedback. It sounds as if being heard was helpful for you.”

“Yes, it was and I will admit that some of these things might have some basis of truth.”

I added “Sometimes people do like to be heard, as you just experienced.” I could tell the unspoken message was received as she stopped defending so I took the opportunity to explore that further with her. “What a great realization, Belinda, that there may be some truth in here. What kind of things might have some element of truth?”

As we began to explore the content of her 360 report, I helped Belinda to see that authentic feedback is not a personal condemnation of character but rather an opportunity to grow and develop. She became more willing to begin the process of really considering the feedback; not just reacting to it.

Over our next few calls, she made terrific progress at being aware of and owning her impact, using coaching to help change some of her behaviors by choice. The result? Her impact became more closely aligned with her intentions and Belinda began building more positive and collaborative working relationships.

Defensiveness and denial are normal first reactions to the kind of honest feedback found in a 360 report. The good news is that with the professional support of a coach, it doesn’t have to be the only reaction. Charles Swindoll has said that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond. We are at choice in how we respond to feedback, and coaching helps to provide the safety, caring and expertise needed to help people make that transition from denial/defensiveness to the kind of openness that is the beginning of meaningful and lasting change.

For more information on coaching, go to http://www.ihhp.com/eqcoaching/index.htm